"Nigger"

Reflections on the uses of a controversial word

“NIGGER”

Reflections on the uses of a controversial word

Adrian Lyles

In my previous writings, I have been intentional about not writing out the word “nigger.” I find the term to be profanity and unnecessarily offensive to many. Without spending too much time expressing whether a person should feel offended by the term “nigger,” I just understand the intensity that the term invokes. You won’t hear me out saying “nigger” in public, just like you won’t hear me using profanity at all. This isn’t because I think “nigger” is some magical word. I think that calling someone a “nigger” is not far different from calling someone a “bitch.”

Right about now some may be wondering if something is wrong with me. I’m writing with such vulgarity. A level of tastelessness never before observed. However, I thought carefully about my choice of words in this text. Many readers utter this kind of language daily. I’m not around when the preacher accidentally hits his thumb with a hammer. I don’t know if he shouts “gee golly gosh…that sure did sting,” or if he says “damn that hurts.” I have lived long enough to know that behind closed doors people can morph a little bit.

When I was in my early twenties, I used profanity like a drunken sailor. One day, an older gentleman at work put his arm around me and took me to the side. He said “Adrian, you sound like an idiot talking like that.” He told me that the guys around me were not nearly as smart as me, and that they speak like that because they don’t have an expansive vocabulary. He told me that I was choosing to sound dumb, when I didn’t have to speak at a low level just to fit in with people who were not going the places that I was going in life. Shortly after that encounter, I stopped cussing, and I stopped eating bacon. What does me not eating bacon have to do with any of this? Absolutely nothing. I just wanted to add levity to the commentary before I move to my point.

Words are an expression of thought. Language is complex and designed to transmit information. If I were to say “you my nigga,” many would receive this as a welcoming gesture. Some would reject it. A nuanced and critical thinker is capable of deciphering the emotions in the room. “Nigger” is a special word in the English language. It’s the only word that has varying connotations depending on the skin hue of the person uttering the term. Right now, more people are shocked by me using the word “bitch,” than they are that I chose to say “nigger” so freely. My rich chocolate skin affords me the use of exactly one more term in the English language than those with a more vanilla hue. All other profane and vulgar terms can be used with equal impunity. “Nigger…” or more colloquially put, “nigga,” is free to be spat off the lips of those who have a phenotype similar to mine. They don’t have to be rich, just chocolate. With these physical traits, it’s now acceptable vernacular to utter “nigger” without consequence. If you have blue eyes, you will likely end up with a black eye calling someone a “nigger.” I don’t make the rules. This is just part of the inconsistency of race, and the ensuing melee.

I rarely get visibly frustrated in public. Sometimes when my wife is trying to get our boys to clean up their rooms, or to wash the dishes, she will elevate her voice ever so slightly. Part of this is to project her message across the thousands of square feet that comprise our home. Other times it’s out of exasperation because the boys have to be told the same thing over and over. When I observe this, I always come to my wife’s aid. I repeat what she has told them, and I never raise my voice doing it. I have a philosophy in my home that “the king only argues with the queen. Everyone else can get out of my palace.” Yes, that includes the prince, the bishop, and even the gardener. I navigate life this way. I won’t argue with people in public. I have this conviction that the king can simply go back to his castle and have his guards handle the light work.

Given my general unflappability, what if someone called me a “nigger” at the grocery store? I would feel the same as if they called me a “bitch.” I would view such a person as rude and disrespectful. I am not so emotionally unstable that I would react to the limited vocabulary of others in such a way that would compromise my treasure. My ego is not my most honored possession. I have a lot to lose, and I think about that when interacting with the public. Anger is a choice. I control how I respond. To grant someone else the power to manipulate my feelings is a sign of great fragility. Nonetheless, I don’t encourage anyone to call me profane names in public. While the spirit of God who dwells in me is strong, you just don’t want to see me get weak. Patience and self control are fruits of the spirit.

Last year there was an incident where a woman named Shiloh Hendrix spotted a young child taking her own child’s snacks. This occurred in a public park. The woman didn’t know the alleged thieving child. Moved by the emotion of seeing someone steal from her child, she began yelling at this other child. She called the child a “nigger.” An unrelated man, who happens to be of Somali descent, came over and began filming and demanded that the woman repeat what she had called the young boy. Hendrix then proceeds to say “fuck you, nigger…nigger, nigger, nigger.”

Several small children can be seen in the public playground area. My initial question is, “Where were the parents before and during this encounter?” I take full responsibility for my children at all times. Even my teenager understands that he carries the weight of representing his family name when in public. If my child begins taking something from another child, I would be on top of the situation, and ultimately responsible for his behavior.

Shiloh Hendrix was recently found guilty of disorderly conduct. She was sentenced to one year of probation, ordered to pay a $1,000 fine, and to complete community service. I’ve read the comments of many people who run to defend a woman who shouts “nigger” at a public park. Her supporters decry that Hendrix has the First Amendment protection of free speech. Ironically, some of the same people supported pulling the licenses of media outlets who chose what to freely broadcast. Freedom of press is thrown out the window.

Something tells me that the Hendrix case isn’t about constitutionality. Some people just want to call others “niggers.” I support your freedom to call people not only “bitches” but also “niggers.” I just don’t want to live in a neighborhood around people who desire this kind of freedom. While I’m not a lawyer, I understand that the conviction levied by a group of Hendrix’s peers was not about the use of the word “nigger.” She used many vulgar words while being filmed, any of which could be interpreted as being “disorderly.” I support free speech. You can call people “niggers” all day. However, if your community finds that you were disruptive and disorderly, they may frown upon that, and charge you accordingly.

I watched the video. Personally, I didn’t think that Hendrix was being unreasonably disorderly to the level of criminal charges. She said “nigger” several times in her normal talking voice, and then gingerly left the park. Her peers and a judge saw it differently. She was convicted of one count of disorderly conduct, not for calling the child a “nigger,” but rather for her public outburst towards the adult filming the encounter. In any event, she doesn’t need me to come to her rescue. She managed to raise nearly $1 million dollars from a crowdfunding campaign. Heck…I’d call my momma a “nigger” for a million dollars! (Kidding.)

If I were at the park and people started cussing around my children, I would leave or ask them to leave. I’m not defending people who use profanity in public because I find the conduct abhorrent, expressive of a limited vocabulary, and a sign of emotional fragility. I don’t want to be around unstable people. They could become dangerous quickly. If you call my child a “nigger,” I won’t be moved by your words. I’m not that brittle. I would, however, see your weak mind as a threat. Depending on the level of that threat, I would seek to protect and defend. The reaction would be no different than if you called my child a “bitch.” If I perceived you to be a person filled with vulgarity, but lacking any credible threat, I would take my children back to my castle. Kings only argue with queens. Let the peasants fight in the dust.

The concept of race in America has perpetuated the idea that people of a certain shade must be emotionally disturbed, and easily offended by words. Particularly just one magical word. Sticks and stones break our bones, and words do, too, supposedly. I prefer to think those who can only muster the imagination to spout a trite word like “nigger” are the most desperate, fragile, and dejected. I have more sympathy than wrath for such a person.

I have a tee time this afternoon. If you decide that calling me a “nigger,” or “bitch” for that matter, will make you feel better, go right ahead. Just don’t scream at me while I’m about to hit my driver. Please wait till after I make the par putt. There are many colors, cultures, heritages, and nationalities, yet still one human race, created in the image of a perfect God.

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Adrian Lyles is a business owner, church leader, and family man who wants to help unite rather than divide people and send the message that we are more alike than we are different. Lyles is the president and owner of Lyles Wealth Management and is also founder of the P.U.L.L. (People United in Life and Liberty) movement, a social advocacy group that campaigns for human equality. As the founder of P.U.L.L, his mission is to dispel myths about race and present the concept that there is only one race—the human race. Through P.U.L.L Lyles seeks to educate, empower, and encourage people to take a broader view of equality. He personally funds college scholarships and counseling in areas of race, relationships, career, and finance to three Gordon County, GA high school seniors annually. Lyles is also the board chair of Voluntary Action Center, which offers free meals, a food bank, financial assistance, and more to Gordon County residents in need. His previous publications for the Journal of Free Black Thought were “A Historic Race,” about Trump’s 2024 victory, and “American Police State,” about the unusual number of times he was pulled over on a road trip with his family.